Tonight I'm sitting down to write, and feeling incredibly... I can't quite find the word.... grateful? blessed? humbled? ...to be married to this wonderful man.
Marty is carrying some tremendously heavy burdens right now. He runs a landscaping company, and for the last few weeks he has had to maintain an extraordinarily high level of workload and stress. He's been working 18-20 hour days, six days a week, and going 100 miles an hour that entire time. His body, his mind, and his heart are all exhausted.
He gets up every day and pushes forward with every ounce of his strength, all day long, and I am just sitting here and watching. I've been trying to do everything I can to help him- I've been working hard to keep things at home running as smoothly as possible, to keep our needs at bay for a few weeks. I've been trying to make sure that our home stays a happy one, so that when he finally comes home, he's coming home to a lifting environment. I want our home to be a bright contrast to the heaviness that he carries all day long.
But those things are not so much me helping carry his burdens, as it is attempting to keep from adding any more to his load. I wish that I could do more than that. I've been doing a few other things that I can, like posting jobs online and screening candidates for him, but when it comes down to it, I can't get out there and pick up a shovel and help lift the heaviest burdens he has. I just have to sit here and watch him carry those loads for me, for us.
Marriage is interesting, because it is so interdependent. You both end up needing each other, you choose to relinquish your own self sufficiency in exchange for an even more fruitful partnership. It would be nice to feel like you are equally bearing the load of every trial and burden, but that's not often how it works. I have to watch him carry some crosses for me, and he has to watch me carry some crosses for him.
And that is a powerfully humbling thing, to allow someone else carry your cross for you.Labels: Family, Marriage