Marty has commented to me several times over the last few days about how resilient I've been as he has been working such long hours. There was a significant chunk of time when I was having a bad day almost every day. Somehow, in the last few weeks, I've had a surplus of good days. I'm feeling more in control of my life and my emotions, I'm enjoying my children more, I'm not feeling like I'm exhausting my limits every day. Well you know, except for that one really terrible day.
Marty has been so surprised, because with him being gone so much, he thought the opposite would be true. I have been surprised too. It's been difficult for me to pin point the
why behind my newfound resilience. I've wondered if
having a "noble goal" of keeping him from being burdened has helped me to find new strength. I've wondered if my extra "me time" in the evenings has been beneficial. Counterintuitively, I've wondered if waking up early to workout was draining too much energy from me- as his long hours have coincided with him not being around to watch the kids in the morning so that I can go.
Those are all situational factors, and a big part of me wants to believe that situations have not changed so much as focusing on increasing my internal strength has been working. That maybe
my coaching sessions have helped me to build more resilience than I have realized. I've wondered if I'm receiving divine strength as well. Or maybe my kids have just been better behaved for a couple of weeks.
I guess I won't know for sure until Marty's hours get back to normal and I start working out again, and not getting my extra alone time at night, and I don't have any noble goals to be help me find additional strength. Or maybe the kids will be extra challenging tomorrow and I'll realize that I'm not really so resilient after all. I don't want to think that's it, because we have certainly had our share of difficulty every day, but I feel like I'm handling those difficulties better and they are not knocking me down as far as before.
Labels: Motherhood, Personal Growth