Today is one of those posts that I'm hoping is not merely a "me" issue, but that maybe someone more than just me can relate to this.
I have blogged before about what I've learned about anger as a parent and on disconnecting the negative emotion from discipline. I clearly have my struggles with maintaining a perpetually cool and collected demeanor. I am constantly trying to reconcile my Type A leaning personality with the rigors of parenting, that seem to be designed to chafe at the Type A's of the world. Maybe even the Type B's, I can't be sure.
Imagine with me for a moment that your toddler is eating a bowl of cereal and decides that he is done, and before you can come to get him, he flings his bowl full of milk and cereal across the kitchen.
Or maybe you walk in on your five year old cutting up your favorite dress because she decided that it was time to learn how to sew.
Or maybe your teenager whose drivers license is still hot off the press, mixes up reverse and drive, and you are now staring at a garage door that has been impaled by the family vehicle.
How is your blood pressure so far?
I heard the expression recently that we make an instant judgement about every single thing that happens to us, to determine whether it was "for me" or "against me", with neutral events being quite rare. I don't know about you, but I would lodge all three of these events into the "against me" category. When the toddler flings the bowl of cereal, now I am going to have to clean up the milk that is all over the kitchen. When the five year old cuts up my dress, I loved that dress and it was expensive and now it's ruined. And the teenager... now we need to get the car AND the garage door fixed! What an expensive headache that will be.
Today Peter did something, I can't even remember what and I'm sure it was insignificant, but I know that I had deemed it "against me". As I paused in an attempt to keep myself from responding in anger, I managed to ask myself if I had already forgiven Peter. I distinctly felt the thought to "first forgive, then respond".
As Christians, certainly as Mormons, we are commanded to forgive all. I would also venture to say that the practice of forgiving and doing so quickly, is especially critical within the family. What greater way to practice forgiveness than with our children who give us such ample opportunity?
Asking myself if I had forgiven Peter was immediately diffusing to any angry feelings, and made it significantly easier for me to direct my response towards more kind and purposeful discipline. It made it much easier to focus on what positive principle I wanted to teach him, rather than wanting to simply deter him from a negative behavior.
Today I'm feeling grateful for the many tender learning experiences like this one that have come hand in hand with having children.
Labels: Faith, Family, Parenting, Personal Growth