For the last couple of weeks, it had been feeling like one or both of my children was always crying. I know that wasn't the truly the case, but it was sure feeling like it. I was especially having a hard time with Peter. He's always been sensitive, or has always seemed to feel and express very intensely, and he was having a lot of tantrum/fits/breakdowns. Call them what you will.
I've talked several times about how I am trying to hone in on
better parenting and
discipline techniques, and while I have been steadily getting better about reducing the frequency and intensity of how upset I get, I was still feeling very frustrated with the kids. On top of that, I kept having this nagging feeling that Peter being upset all the time was just a symptom of a greater need that I wasn't meeting well enough. I turned back to the books I have been reading, and came back to this idea of making a point to
connect with your child.
According to various books on parenting, you do this through things like physical touch, eye contact, focused time and attention with your child, laughing with them, playing with them, and so on. I had been focusing so much on keeping negative emotions in check, that I had neglected to focus on adding in more positive emotions. Over the weekend I also happened upon some conference talks that reinforced
the importance of giving much more praise than criticism, and on
looking for the positive attributes in others.
So that is what I have been working on this week, deliberately focusing on creating positive interactions with my children, and I have to say that yesterday and today have started to feel like things are on a upswing. Both children are seeming more content, and I have noticed a significant drop in the frequency of Peter's outbursts.
Not only have there been less outbursts from the kids, but consciously seeking to create positive interactions has pulled me out of negativity faster. When something happens that would ordinarily be upsetting, I am turning the situation around more quickly, catching myself and redirecting the moment to something positive.
Again, I'm not doing that perfectly, but I know I've at least done it a few times, so this is me patting myself on the back. Good job, me! Way to not be quite so much of a grumpy buzzkill of a mom. [insert thumbs up emoticon]
Labels: Motherhood, Parenting, Personal Growth