Marty and I have often laughed at the realization that if someone had told us on the day that we met that we were going to marry each other, we would have fought tooth and nail to prove them wrong. I have thought back on all of the nights when I was crying on my knees to be able to get married, and wondering where my husband was, and he was literally right next door (for a bit anyway). (You can read that whole story here).
Heavenly Father was still keeping it a secret from me. If He would have told me everything I wanted to know, when I wanted to know it, I would have run the other way. Have you ever heard that song by Garth Brooks about unanswered prayers? The chorus says that "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers".
I mentioned yesterday that I feel like I have an idea as to the "why" behind my difficulties of late, and I remember a day when I was feeling utterly overwhelmed and I literally cried out loud "why won't you help me?!". I felt so abandoned, and so blind. And if Heavenly Father had given me the answer in that moment, I would have run the other way again.
I guess what I am saying is that even though I know how painful it is to feel like you're not getting the answers you need, if I could have seen everything that God can, I wouldn't have told me either.
Labels: Faith, Motherhood, Personal Growth