You hear people say that they LOVE their job, and that they can't wait to go to work every day. And in my heart of hearts, I want to feel that way about the work I do as a mom. In order to do that, I'm having to learn and grow and change a lot.
I've found that when I'm feeling burnt out or frustrated, it is a result of things not going the way I wanted or expected them to. I'm just chugging right along, trying to get things done or have things go the way I planned, and then BOOM, something knocks it all off course.
Kids can otherwise be known as that BOOM.
If we want to overcome our frustration, we can either change our situation or we can change our perspective, and there's a time and place for both. Today I wanted to share some of the ways where it has made sense for me to change my perspective, particularly because I've noticed that these techniques have run contrary to my knee jerk reactions.
1. I let go of feeling rested.
Sleep is really important, I don't want to discount that. But when the night is over, and you know that need to be awake until
at least the next nap time; if you're going to try and hold onto feeling tired, you are going to spend all day upset at your own children. So yes, sleep is really important, but even more important than sleep, is not hating my entire day at home with the kids.
I consider this a survival mechanism, or maybe it's more of a survival-of-my-offspring mechanism. I wish I had a better way to articulate
how to exactly to do this, but I'm still not quite sure how it works. What I
do know is that on the days that I find myself clinging to feeling tired, once I decide to let go of that, I am happier.
For a long time I believed that in order to be happy, I needed to be fully rested, and while
nothing helps boosts my mood like a good night's rest, my happiness is not inextricably bound to the amount of sleep I have had.
2. I let go of my agenda.
Before children, I was pretty much the author of my own agenda. Sure, there were a few impacting influences to my schedule, but for the most part, I ran my own show. When you have children, you are still
theoretically running the show, but now you have these little beings whose needs and wishes rarely align well with that show. While I am a still a believer in
things like schedule and routine, I've become a
bigger believer in leaving space for the children and
their wants and needs. It's not just
my world that
they are living in, it's their world too, and just because I'm bigger and maybe smarter and have a drivers license doesn't mean that their perspective is wrong or doesn't matter.
There's this
great Brian Regan joke about how we will tell a child not to be upset that his balloon is floating away, but how would we feel if our wallet started floating away? Just because I don't agree that what my child wants is important, doesn't mean it is invalid and should be stopped immediately. This is a lesson I'm learning repeatedly,
because it's a tricky balance to strike. I've found that if I can make it a practice to give a few moments to accommodate for their needs as I am trying to meet my own, we are all more likely to get what we want and live in harmony more successfully.
3. I let go of getting away.
Typically, when you are around someone or something that is driving you up the wall, the natural response is to get the heck away from that thing. When I am feeling frustrated and upset, I want my problems to go away or I want to get away from my problems. This is true for how I feel sometimes with my children. Sometimes you really do need to put the screaming baby in the crib while you go hide in a closet and take deep breaths, but most of the time I start wanting to "get away" well before I've reached a breaking point. Most of the time, "getting away" looks a lot like me sitting on the couch engrossed in my smartphone, it's my mini-escape. I'm very slowly and steadily learning that what works better than that to actually
fix my discomfort, is to engage more deeply with them instead of trying to get away.
If I
put away my phone, and
get on the floor and start playing instead, they are happier. And when they are happier, my life is exponentially easier. They need a lot from me, and when their needs are highest is when I am most likely to feel the need to get away. When I can overcome that urge to flee, and instead immerse myself in them; them getting what they need, in turn eases
my burden.
Labels: Motherhood
