Today I was going to tell you about all of the things that I beat myself up for today, all of the things I did that made me feel like a bad mom. And then I started making a list and it made me feel like an even worse mom, and I decided I didn't want you all to know that I'm THAT bad of a mom.
So now I don't know what to write about today.
I have gotten feedback from a few people that I respect and admire that they love reading my thoughts and ideas and are glad that I am blogging.
I want to give them something profound and wonderful to read every day.
But mostly I want to find a way to share the things that I am learning every day with you all. And I am learning. Every day. Motherhood is a bunch of hard lessons every day.
Today I was reminded that I need to continuing learning how to better communicate what I am actually trying to say.
I remember a time that a bunch of Cluff cousins were at our house, and someone told one of the little boys to be careful, and then asked if he understood what it meant to be careful. I don't remember what he said, but I remember it being clear that he did not understand what he was supposed to do with that command.
I had found that I was saying "be careful" to Peter all the time. Toddlers are always doing things that are likely to result in injury or death to themselves or another. They clearly need a little more caution in their lives.
I realized one day that Peter must not have any idea he is supposed to do differently when I tell him to "be careful", so I have started trying to better articulate my concerns in hopes of helping him see what I see and understand what I want him to do.
When he is wildly banging wood toys on the ground inches from his baby sister's face, I tell him "Peter those toys are very hard and heavy and I am afraid that you might hit your sister in the face with one and hurt her. Please scoot further away from her if you are going to keep swinging those."
Now let's be honest here, I don't know how much of that he understands either. But at least I'm learning to tell him what I actually want him to know and to do.
When I tell him to "be careful", I'm thinking that his mind must be able to see things exactly as I see them, and obviously if he is doing something that I would not do- his mind is not seeing things as I see them. So if I really want him to see the dangers in the midst that I see, I need to do a better job of pointing out what they are and what he should do to reduce that danger or risk.
It's been interesting to realize that there is a pretty large disconnect between the words I am using and what the request actually is, and even more interesting to learn how to better relay my own wishes more effectively.
(HINT: This is super useful with husbands too)
So that's the thing I'm working on today.
Labels: Motherhood