I wrote a satire post earlier today about the things I do to "fix" a bad day. These are actually all of the things that I commonly do on bad days, that I am slowly but surely learning only make things worse.
Today in the midst of being a Grumpy Gertrude, I had the peace of mind to take a couple of steps to change things and the second half of our day here in the Cluff home was a wonderful and happy one. It was like dark to light 'round here.
Here are the things I do (many of which I did today) that seem to actually improve my day. Their effectiveness may be specific to only me, but if they help someone else too, it's worth sharing.
1. I pray.
I pray a lot. Sometimes it's a silent prayer, often times it's out loud. Sometimes it's right there in the middle of a wrestling match with a tantruming toddler, other times it's in my closet while the kids wail on the other side of the door. I pray for patience, I pray to be able to feel the influence of the Spirit again, I pray for the children to be at peace, I pray to calm my anger or frustration.
2. I take deep breaths.
I heard an expression once; "smell the strawberries, blow out the candles". I'll rehearse it in my mind as I breathe. I've done it in front of the toddler while making an "ommmm" noise and holding my fingers in an O shape like I'm meditating. It's so completely strange that he stops whatever he's doing and watches me. Sometimes he even tries to breathe along with me.
3. I get dressed for the day.
I'm laughing that this even needs to be an item, but sometimes on hard days getting dressed feels unnecessary and burdensome! Pajamas are so comfortable and I'm going to get spit up on anyway so why put on anything nice? Something about feeling ready enough to leave the house or welcome in an unexpected guest helps me feel like there is a little less chaos in my life, and like I am a little more 'together' than I might otherwise feel.
4. I get something done.
This goes along with the same mentality of getting dressed- wanting to feel like there is a little less chaos in my life and that I have a little more control. If the kids are having a whiny day anyway, I'll just go wash the dishes while they whine at me. This is not the BEST solution... but getting at least one thing done or cleaned seems to give me a little boost to keep going.
5. I get on the floor.
So often on hard days I want to escape. I want to have a little more distance between me and the kids, or I want to play on my phone and escape to more interesting things, or I want to feel connected to something or someone outside the walls of my home. If instead of trying to escape, I embrace connection with the kids and their world, they do so much better and that does a lot more for me than social media was going to.
6. I read my scriptures.
Whenever I'm doing well at reading my scriptures every day, I have a lot less bad days. It's easier for goodness to triumph over negativity in my own internal struggles. It's easier for me to think to pray. It keeps my heart juuust soft enough that I don't work so hard to hang onto my own irritation. There's something about anger that makes you feel strong and in control, and I've learned that if I'm angry, it's usually a result of my own feelings of helplessness. Reading my scriptures helps me to more easily let go of that artificial feeling of control that anger gives and remember to call on the Lord instead.
7. I take an inventory of bodily irritants.
That sounds so weird doesn't it? I have noticed that when my patience is wearing really thin, something as small as having my hair down and tickling my neck is ONE more straw breaking the camel's back. I know that "number 3" was to get dressed, but sometimes you have to get un-dressed. I take a moment to tune into my body and assess for any irritants. If I notice that my jeans are a little uncomfortable, or that my toes are cold, or that my shirt sleeves pull a little when I bend my arms-- Hair up, sweatpants on, slippers on my feet! This works wonders to stretch me through that final, difficult, bedtime chunk of the day.
8. I eat some food.
Sometimes I get hangry because I hadn't even realized that was so busy feeding the little ones, I didn't feed me. I feed me and happiness increases.
9. I [try to] connect with someone.
Connection with other people FUELS MY SOUL. It's a little tough to make this one happen in the middle of a bad day, but even then I'll try to do a video call with one of the grandmas (because the kids are usually pretty into that too), or send out some text messages to set up playdates for another day. Speaking of play dates, these save. my. hide. It's like exercise though; it's so much work to plan it and get everyone dressed and fed and napped and ready and out the door, but I am always SO glad I did it. The kids are happy because they either have new playmates or a new play area/toys, and I love it because the kids are generally entertained enough that I can have some adult conversation. I'm a believer that it takes a village to raise kids and it's worth the work to keep your village up.
10. I fake it till I make it.
I always want to blame bad days on the kids. "They were being tough" so therefore my day was harder and therefore I had a bad day. That sentence is almost all true and accurate, but I've realized that I have a lot of control in setting the tone of the whole house. For example, after I stomped around like a grump all morning today, I was able to catch myself, take a few deep breaths, and say a prayer. I kid you not, once I decided that I didn't want to be mad anymore and that I wanted the day to be better- the day was IMMEDIATELY better. It doesn't always work that beautifully, but if I can force myself to act happy and fun for just a little while, almost always the kids' moods and behavior improves and our day gets on a much better track. Not only does it help the kids, but it usually kicks me out of my sour mood too.
I'm glad that I sat down to write these down. I get stuck in a rut sometimes and forget that these things have worked so well for me. The thing I like best about this list is that it reminds me of how much power I have to determine whether my day was "good" or "bad".
It's so much work to do all of these things, but it's so much better than having a bunch of bad days!
What are your best tips for improving a bad day?
Labels: Faith, Motherhood